I don't really want it

When I was in Hong Kong, I went to United State because of her. I didn't really want it.

Then, When I was in Vermont, I went to New York becaue of her. I didn't really want it.

Mid-March snow in Misato

Years later, when I was in New York, I always asked myself, "Why am I still here? So finally, I came to Japan becasue of them. I didn't really want it.

And now, I am here in Tokyo. I am still asking myself, "Why am I here? Because I didn't really want it.

So what do I really want? and what do you really want?